taxing taxi

So this week has been an exciting week for us. Baby is 6 weeks old this week, which means we got to go to my postpartum check-up this week. YIPPEE
I've been looking forward to this check-up for weeks (not the same as my boyfriends reasons are though...) the reason being I WANT TO START WORKING OUT AGAIN. I'm tired of being stagnant (although I've been cheating and going to hot yoga for a couple weeks yeeeeeee). So I joined the Planet Fitness near my house, and well still haven't actually gone, but happy that I can if I 'want' to.

However, as the appointment date inched closer I started getting anxiety over how me, my baby and her car seat were going to get to this appointment (oh the unique complications of NYC living). How do I hail a cab with her??!!! Put her in the cab while folding up the annoying (expensive) Bugaboo stroller part and put it in the trunk..... still not really even knowing how to fold this contraption???!!! Do I hail the cab and put her down (in her car seat) on the sidewalk while folding contraption??!! Both options seemed outrageous and caused me a little loss of sleep....

I mean I COULD put her in her carrier-backpack-front-thing and go on the subway but then where would she hang out after we got there and I was being examined??? What the hell??

Another thing is I knew my OB/GYN wanted me to bring her and wanted to see her....so not bringing her wasn't really an option.

So really I need to learn the whole cab/baby thing anyway. This is going to be a constant thing... me, her, in a cab....

In the end I paid double and called a car service (there's an app for that!) to get guaranteed door to door service and knowing the guy will help me and not drive away with my baby in the car was worth the extra $$$$$

I do consider this a win for NYC though, until I can get this down it will disable me with anxiety every time I have to go somewhere (far).

I have a few other exciting things we are starting this week.... a mommy/baby meetup/group and a Bring Your Baby to the movies theater outing..... I'll write about that later!! I'm gonna try to sleep since Baby is currently sleeping!

New year,new life, new blog intention

Soooooo I've ignored my blog for a VERY long time. I guess I felt I had nothing to say worth documenting. My life has changed dramatically in the past 12 months, in November I gave birth to my first child, a girl. And now I'm living in Manhattan and trying to work out how to swing being a new mom, being a good girlfriend and doing it all in New York City. Living in New York is amazing, but it presents different situations and challenges than any other place. And throw being an independent, fun-seeking MOM into that and well I tend to come across many unique situations that I can't call home for advice.
So far its been a fun-filled learning experience, and I'm hoping to share my experiences with you, TOGETHER!

Sh*t my dad says

help where you can...
smile like you're being paid...
forgive all slights...
say only nice things...
and remember the best rewards come in all shapes, sizes, colors and most always are worth more than they cost.

Heaven is where the French are the lovers, the Italians the cooks, the Swiss keep things on time, the Germans are the mechanics and the British are the police. Hell is where the Swiss are the lovers, the British are the cooks, the Italians keep things on time, the French are the mechanics and the Germans are the police.

30 days no Facebook

I'm
Going to go 30 days without Facebook
30 days w/o Elad
30 days... That's all I got so for
Will update soon.and everyday a new photo of Israel.

It'll be okay.... (adapted to me...)

If you had asked me today how I am doing, I would have told you I am fine. I am good. Life is great. I might have told you the good news about my great schedule next month, or the great time I had in Paris recently. I probably would have offered you a glass of red told you about me going to
Israel next week.

And it would all be true. Mostly. Because I am fine and life is good, except when it's not. But I don't know how to tell anyone when it's not.

Right now, I am not okay. Today, I was not okay. This past week, I was anything but okay.

If I was being honest, I would have to tell you that I am heart broken. I haven't slept well in over a year now. I am finding it difficult to eat. My heart hurts and when my friends aren't looking, I can't stop the tears. I feel overwhelmed. I feel betrayed. I feel confused. I feel alone.

But if you ask, I will tell you that I am fine because I don't know how to say these things. I won't tell you these things because I don't want them to be true. I am courageous. I am positive. I am living with faith and hope. I am a glass half full kind of girl, always have been. I can't tell you that I haven't been able to figure out up from down this past year because that is not who I am.

I can't tell you what I've lost because that would be ungrateful. I don't want to complain. I don't want to burden anyone with my worries, my fears, my failures. And it's not that big of a deal anyway. This too shall pass. It will all work itself out in the end. At least, this is what I tell myself.

So, I do what I've been doing for so long now. I work and I work and I work. I lend a helping hand, and I keep busy. I've never been comfortable with being the victim or the storyteller, but when I do talk to a friend I tell a little bit, I admit some things, but I'm quick to point out the stars in the darkness. I'm quick to remind everyone that it will all be okay.

I don't know what else to do. I can't put words to this grief. I can't tell you what it's like to feel so alone, so misunderstood. I can't explain the short circuit between heart and mind right now. I don't want you to know how fragile everything feels, or how quick I am to fall apart, to cry out that this is not the life I wanted.

When I sat down to write this I intended to write the truth. I wanted to tell someone all the things I can't tell anyone. I thought if I could put them here, list them out and send them on their way, that it might help. Bounce back, I keep telling myself.

But now that I'm here, I don't think I can tell you everything or anything really. I don't think it would help. People will offer to listen. They will ask me what they can do, how they can help. And that's the tricky part - they can't, not really.

Right now, it's enough just to be able to say that I'm not okay. I just wanted someone to know.

The journey

There's a saying that it's not the destination but the journey that is valuable. I can say that this rings true for many things and experiences in my life. I am actually great full for many of the 'mistakes' I've made in my life. I try not to have any regrets, inevitably I do- but I honestly try to hope there's a lesson or reason for things to happen.

Anyway, my current literal journey is trying to get to Maui to visit with my sister and niece who I have not seen in over a year. I didn't really know how badly I wanted to see them until it was frustratingly difficult to get myself on a flight yesterday to get there, it's a long journey.... Generally
15 hours door-to-door. But as I'm sitting here with less than an hour to go before landing in Maui I can, in this instance, that this journey is worth it.
I always forget how much I love being home until I actually get there..... Mostly I consider it a pain in the butt, I try to push it out of my mind, maybe to ease the pain of being 5,000 miles from my friends, family and home. To be continued....

AI

So. A year ago yesterday I prematurely lost a close friend. It reminded me how short and precious life is, and how I really need to learn to be kinder to people, especially my close family and friends. Even though the last year of AI's life we were not very close, I loved him and miss him everyday. His wife whom I consider one of the greatest friends and people I've ever known in my life was 8 months pregnant with their first child when he died. I need to remember that life is short, and being nice to people is actually easier than being mean!! The world lost a great man that day and my friend lost the love of her life.
This also puts my petty life 'problems' in perspective.
RIP Andy.

The other day I found an INCREDIBLE blog:

http://www.marcandangel.com/

Check it out. It truly is amazing.

And ! Number 6 please!!!!

The Dalai Lama's Instructions for Life:

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs:
Respect for self
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.